After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
