I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
