You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
