So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
