My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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