This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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