come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
