Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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