FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Randomize
