if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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