My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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