You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
