and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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