shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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