We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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