She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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