Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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