At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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