Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
