Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
