How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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