Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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