I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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