He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize