smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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