Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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