Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
