as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
