He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
