im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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