the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
