dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
