I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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