sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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