My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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