guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
