you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
