My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
