her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
