SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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