i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
