Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
