1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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