Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
