He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize