I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
