Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
