4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
