Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize