If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
