i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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