I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the day after is always just damage control
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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