I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
