I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
