Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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