my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize