Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
