I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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