HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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