Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
