That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
