Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
