You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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