I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
