You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think i have two assholes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
