hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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