She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
