Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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