I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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