I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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