and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
