Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
