do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
