is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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