if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
