why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can I color on your dick again?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
