just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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