Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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