i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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